I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
