I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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