My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
