Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I wish you could order shots online.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
