Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
