I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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