I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
