his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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