I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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