Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
