He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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