Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
