Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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