True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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