i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
