You're completely useless in the revolution.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
