ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
