The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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