im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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