Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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