Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
