She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
