And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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