It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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