I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
