let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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