Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
