GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
