he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
