I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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