he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
