Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
