dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
