she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
