Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
