Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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