I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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