There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
