I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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