Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We left the knife in your bed.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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