Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
