Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize