And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
