sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
