Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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