We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
