P.S. I can't hear my feet
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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