I want you more than these girls want KFC
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
