We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
