Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
