Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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