if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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