you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
