OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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