What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
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