my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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