so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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