thus making me awesome and them whores
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
