My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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