yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
if only i could text you this smell
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
40s are totally the cure
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
