Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
